Even though it’s not now,
what if
Even though I’m fine now,
but what if
Everything’s okay outside
But inside my mind
what if, what if
welcome to what if world
a world inside of tortured imagination…
A world full of people,
all in their own world.
Etymology. The name given to What If World is derived from the common English phrase “What if” which is used to express some fear, doubt, uncertainty or anxiety about the future or past.
With stress acknowledged as the modern day epidemic, and the prevalence of mental and physical disease increasing rapidly throughout society, this phrase has seen a significant rise in usage.
And consequently, as more and more people have lost access to experiencing and to living What Is, the growth of the population inside the walls of What If World has been exponential.
Living life imprisoned within this maximum-security unreality is becoming more and more commonplace.
Population demographics. Maybe you’ve lived here maybe you haven’t. Maybe you’ve never left and maybe you come and go. What If World is non-selective. No matter your age, gender, nationality, language, culture, profession—no matter what your walk of life, you could find yourself doing time in this reality. Whether you suffer from severe diagnosable OCD, other mental illnesses, or just some fleeting worries and doubts, you may have some experience of What If World.
And it’s a world inside that we barely share with others. It’s a lonely world to us and yet it’s full of people, a strange paradox. A world full of people, all in their own world.
Currency and economy. In What If World we deal in doubt—in obsessions, compulsions, fears, uncertainties, in a full range of anxieties. People come in with their own stock, often trade with others, and consistently save up surplus.
The particular currency dealt with in this account of What If World is known as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). OCD is a form of mental disorder in which the mind is constantly flooded with fears, doubts, anxieties, thoughts and dreadful feelings. But the obsessive mind does not simply have a thought and then move on, the obsessive mind constantly feels unsatisfied moving on from specific thoughts due to some corresponding extremely uncomfortable feeling of dread inside.
This lack of logical, rational satisfaction in the mind keeps the awareness stuck obsessing. These mental obsessions have corresponding mental or physical compulsions, which in the same way represent this lack of satisfaction, lack of rational evaluation of a certain situation.
What we have is a mind full of illogical, irrational obsessions and a routine filled with unnecessary, overly cautious compulsions. And so one is stuck obsessing and performing compulsions in order to gain any kind of relief, security or reassurance that nothing bad will happen, that these fears will not come true.
It is a debilitating cycle one finds oneself stuck, in which one can only reinforce irrational worry in order to gain relief from that same irrational anxiety.
We get deeper and deeper into this unreality without any awareness of the way out. It can be thought of in a similar sense to a drug addiction; having to take a drug in order to feel relief from suffering, and every time we take that drug we encounter more struggle and more suffering. Like drugs, the obsessions and compulsions of OCD push the individual towards more and more disorder by providing just enough relief to fuel the vicious cycle.
In prison, no matter what the charge that sent us in, the negative tendencies and influence of the environment lead us towards greater and greater imbalance. In What If World we try to make deals, try to negotiate and even try to bribe our way out, but all these attempts bring only false hope and often lead us to be consumed in greater despair.
This is the economy of What If World, fueled through some twisted supply and demand dynamics—a relationship between fear and the natural desire to escape from that painful reality.
Environment. Imagine staring at a blank white canvas, unable to accept that it is a blank white canvas, and also unable to move on from this thought due to some undefined unspeakable dread throbbing deep inside. Now imagine staring at that same canvas only this time it is painted with your worst fears and doubts, all irrational and yet your eyes are still perpetually stuck here unable to move on. Your intuition’s screaming at you, yelling out the truth, that nothing is wrong and it’s all in your head, and yet you’re frozen in an absurd anxious strangle.
An invisible sign hanging inside of our mental cell reads “Welcome to What If World… where you’ll never feel at home”
Imagine trying to juggle and resolve 50 different illogical anxieties all at the same time while you’re in class or out with your friends. The next thing you know, the teacher or your friend is waiting for you to answer a question and you’re lost somewhere in the depths of your mind overwhelmed by terrible thoughts simply unable to be in the present moment.
A bleak unforgiving geography, full of mountain peaks so sharp and steep that most time is spent clinging on in an endless uphill struggle, only to find at the top a chilling drop into a deeper valley than where you started.
The climate in What If World is extreme to say the least. Intense with the heat of tireless coping, and frozen in the loneliness of the silent suffering.