A gap.
I can breathe here.
I’m free here.
I’m me here.
But, where am I?
It feels like I’m nowhere except right here. And how refreshing that is. Maybe for the first time I’m touching my legs, filling my lungs, I’m sitting, seeing and all while being.
For in this moment my mind is not separate from me, my mind is fully me, and I am in control of myself because I am my Self.
And what do I feel now?
Pure happiness. A kind of fulfillment that far outreaches the simple notion of relief. A kind of fulfillment that has no boundaries to it, which stretches right to the ends of infinity. Bliss.
But wait, what if…
And the whole thing comes crashing down instantly. The mental rapids rush and a deluge of doubts and fears annihilate that perfect stillness. And once again I’m back in that dreadful cycle, that rabbit hole of immense proportions.
Obsession, compulsion, obsession, compulsion. Worry, doubt, fear, worry, doubt, fear. Check, check, check to make sure nothing is wrong, that I have done everything possible to avert any danger.
This entanglement in the mind continues again to increase in breadth and complexity until for however briefly, however short-lived, the mind drops through another hole in that net of worry and anxiety, that network of thought, and from the peak of intensity plunges into a calm coolness devoid of all thought. From incredible tension and hyper-vigilant effort for control to pure freedom from all boundaries in a split second. This freedom brings automatic relief and fulfillment spontaneously. In these moments the mind is free of all activity, free to just BE.
And even whilst swimming back against the surging current, each time a memory remains…
It was the momentary experiences of that quiet whisper which has led me to escape from the endless suffering of What If World.